LOVE Series: Love is...

By: Mark Lowenstein
February 3, 2008

First kind of love: "IF"
The "IF" kind of love says, "I will love you:

• IF you do things my way."
• IF you give me gifts."
• IF you become a good provider."
• IF you get a good report card at school."

The "IF" love is a conditional love based upon future expectations. If these conditions are not met, then like a legal contract, love is broken. This is a selfish love because it is solely based upon future expectations. It is love that must be earned. Most marriages fail because they are based upon this conditional love. This is the childish love we are all born with. It is a worldly love of natural instincts. We need to mature out of the "IF" kind of love!

Second kind of love: "Because of"
The "because of" kind of love says, "I will love you:

• BECAUSE you are now young and beautiful."
• BECAUSE I now desire you."
• BECAUSE you are now popular."
• BECAUSE you are now in good health or wealthy."
• BECAUSE I feel good when I am with you."

This kind of love is common among teenagers because it is solely based upon the other's current status. The "BECAUSE OF" kind of love also dooms marriages. This kind of love is not in tune with reality when it demands that things stay the same in an ever changing world. Like the "IF" kind of love, it is unstable and fickle; full of doubts and fears for what tomorrow might bring.

True Love: "In Spite Of"
True love is the "IN SPITE OF" kind of love. It says, "I love you:

• IN SPITE OF your faults."
• IN SPITE OF being fat and ugly."
• IN SPITE OF the times you are selfish and inconsiderate."
• IN SPITE OF when you sin against me."

True love is unconditional. It is the love that God loves us with. It is a love we don't naturally possess but must learn. It is an enduring love that doesn't even keep a score card.

The "IN SPITE OF" love will always be there tomorrow regardless of what we have done today. This is the kind of love that golden anniversaries (50th) are made of.

The most popular place in the Bible where you can find the definition of love is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (niv)

" Christ died for us while we were still weak people. We were living against God, but at the right time, Christ died for us. Very few people will die to save the life of another person, even if that other person is a good person. If the person is a very good person, then someone might be willing to die for that person. But Christ died for us while we were still sinners. In that way God showed us that he loves us very much."
Romans 5:6-8 (erv)

Notice the contrast between conditional and unconditional love in this verse. Christ didn't die for us “BECAUSE” we were good and worth dying for. Rather He died for us “IN SPITE OF” the fact we were worthless sinners.

"Christ's love is greater than any person can ever know. But I pray that you will be able to know that love. Then you can be filled with the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:19 (erv)

Which kind of love do you love others with?